Confessions
by heretherebemonsters
Summary: Collected drabbles involving the various characters from the Prime universe. Basically a place for me to put up random thoughts. Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.


_**Musings from the mind of Optimus Prime.**  
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_He haunts me. Megatron. As if he is dead, or as if I will never see him again. But I know that I will, and soon. We will meet on the next battlefield, sword to sword, optic to optic, trying to deactivate one another and subsequently failing as we have been doing for millennia now._

_I don't agree with Megatron's views or what he stands for and I never have, nor ever will. Just as he despises the cause I support. He likely always will. I don't think there shall ever be a chance for reconciliation between us on that count. There was a time when I had hoped, in all the naivety of youth, that the two of us could reach an accord someday and put an end to the war, but we are each too resolute and determined, too stubborn, to compromise. Nor would either of us ever surrender or just give up. Megatron may be many things, but he is not a quitter._

_So it seems we are doomed to continue this cursed war until by some turn of circumstance, one or both of us becomes one with the Allspark._

_It saddens me to face Megatron in battle. He is so different now from the mech I knew. I can plainly see the darkness in him, the rage and bitterness, and I wonder if the torrent of these powerful emotions has completely swept away the last vestiges of the soul he once had. I remember him as he used to be, without all the scars, both seen and unseen, that this conflict has left upon him. He was a good mech once, decent and honest, trustworthy. When he spoke, bots listened out of respect, not fear. He was always a strong warrior, but once upon a time he wielded his blade in defense of Cybertron, not in its destruction. He was our Lord High Protector, always there to save his people when they needed him._

_He was my protector too in those days. He was my strength when the responsibilities of being the youngest Prime ever to rule became too much. He was my comfort when I felt like giving up. He was always there. And I loved him for it._

_But even then, I had seen the potential for evil in him, felt the coiled darkness he hid so well. I told myself I had only to be vigilant and careful and I could save him from himself. But by the time I realized the path Megatron had taken, it was too late. _

_Now I think that rather than have someone there to save him, he merely needed someone to love him. Someone bolder and more fierce than myself. Perhaps I wasn't enough. I only managed to keep the darkness at bay for so long before it revealed itself._

_Right from the beginning, I knew this war would not be easy. I knew Megatron's drive, his tirelessness. When he makes his mind up, he cannot be dissuaded. We have fought long and hard, each side alternately taking the lead from time to time, each side knowing triumph and bitter defeat in equal measures. Though the Decepticons are our opposites in many ways, they are still fellow Cybertronians and it pains me to wound them. I do not enjoy in the least this filthy business of killing our own. _

_But I know deep within my spark that there is more than just this that keeps me from slaying Megatron. _

_I have never admitted it to anyone, not even aloud to myself, but I still love him. Fiercely. Passionately. I cannot deny the way my spark twists when I see him. _

_I have held this secret close to me for the entirety of the war, for I never really stopped loving him, no matter his transgressions. He was my partner in all things, my best friend, my bonded mate. These things are not so easily let go. But I have never breathed a word to another, knowing what they would think of me. The things which I have sometimes thought about myself._

_That I am weak, foolish, for not closing my spark to him ages ago. Wondering how I can possibly care for a mech who has brought me so much pain, killed my friends and my soldiers and time and again, has tried to kill me. I have railed against my feelings, attempted to ignore them, hated them. Oh, how I have hated my treacherous spark._

_But I cannot forget. I simply cannot._

_I remember all too easily how Megatron's lips felt on mine, his strong arms holding me tightly, the heat of his frame as our armor bumped and scraped. I can all too readily recall the way his servos touched me, stroking, caressing. The sensation of having him buried in me, driving me to limits of passion blinding and white-hot. _

_My fans kick on just thinking about it. Even after all this time, no one has ever been able to affect me the way he did, still does._

_And when we are locked in our personal skirmish, I can see the same heat, the same desire in his optics, underneath everything else he tries to bury it with. He is as reluctant as I to admit he still cares for me._

_This is why we have failed to terminate each other, and will continue to fail._

_I cannot bring myself to hate him. I hate the things he has done, yes, and the principles he abides by. He has taken much from me, and I from him. There are some wounds that can never be healed, some rifts that can never be bridged. Things will never be as they once were. But I cannot hate him. I doubt I ever could._

_So we continue this charade, fighting this useless war that we created because we know nothing else. We will continue to deny what our sparks tell us, because we each have factions to lead and we are old, stubborn bots who don't ever want to admit we are tired. Tired of this, of everything. _

_There are days when I wish I could leave this world and be one with the Allspark and take Megatron with me. Then at least we could be together again, free of the complications of this place. But I must keep living. I know I am needed here._

_Though, if I must die, I admit there would be no one else besides Megatron I would rather have take my life. It would only be right._

_By Primus, this love for him will one day be the death of me._

_And yet, even after everything, I would like nothing better than to die in his arms. _


End file.
